Sharing is scaring.
I’ve shared a lot about my emotions the last couple of weeks, maybe a bit more than usual both online and irl. I don’t feel weird about it, because I’d rather be transparent about how I feel. This is especially true after I lost my best friend to depression (and all information about her wellbeing had to be drawn out of her).
I know everybody else doesn’t share that frame, but does it really surprise you that “normal” people like me have these rollercoaster emotions? At least I’m dealing with it, not stowing it away in some even darker place, where it could possibly create a real rot of the soul, and break me.
That would suck.
I’m also reaching out, because I know I’m not alone. I know how overwhelming all the dark feels can be at times. I know how impossible it feels when you’re there, and I also know how hard it is to remember those feelings when you are in a happier state of mind. I know I can’t even imagine how I could feel so dark when I’m in my happy place. Then something triggers and I fall down. I always get back up though. And those of you who know me, should also know that. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need support when I’m down. Just like I support you, when you are down.
Or up. Whatever. I always want to support you, because I know that sometimes you feel fucking amazing, and sometimes you feel like life isn’t such a great idea after all.
It’s completely fine to feel all these emotions. Nothing is horribly wrong with me. I think back a few years, and OH MAN how much I’ve level up since then. I’m pretty sure you have too.
But just because we get back up again, doesn’t mean that we’re bulletproof for life. We get new problems, we need new solutions.
Remember when you were like 14 and had your first crush? Oh, the heartache? Remember in school during finals, when you weren’t sure you were gonna make it? Do you remember when you couldn’t get a fucking job? ANY job? Do you remember friendships and relationships that ended, people and pets who died on you, or what it feels to not love your body?
You may still not love yourself. And you know what, that’s fine too. We’re all working on it, and it’s a constant process that will need refining, for years and years and years.
Be proud of yourself for being brave enough to feel and deal. What happens when you don’t deal with your emotions? You stop growing. Every look deep inside yourself is both difficult and an opportunity to grow. Who said this shit was going to be easy?
When did someone ever tell you that lives fair, or easy? When did you ever FEEL that it was. Let the fears out, let the tears out and dare to look inside.
Because on the inside there aren’t only really frightening things, like anxiety, insecurities and demons. There’s also great beauty and potential. If you never look at 50% of who you are, then can you really say you know yourself? I’d say for most of us, even more than 50% of what we think is on the darker spectra. Research says 80%. But let’s stay positive. Let me ask you this; if you have a best friend, do you only want to know 20-50% of that person? Because those other parts are just too freaky for you to handle. Do you have to love everything about everybody? Do you have to love all of your own sides? You do not, but unless you can even see them, you’re fooling yourself.
You may think I seem like a negative person from some of my posts, but I’d disagree. I’ll let the stuff out, flaunt it, then it’s not so scary anymore. I deal, move on and feel loads better for it. Sharing my emotions openly, allows me to drop them faster and level up sooner.
If rock bottom isn’t a solid foundation to build upon, I don’t know what is.
We hear all the time that nobody is perfect, yet how often do we actually get to witness it?
On social media, most people post their highlights. They rarely share the stuff that isn’t fun, attractive or positive. I’ve noticed a trend, that people who are not happy (that day or for a period of time) tends to post a lot more positive quotes. Which is kinda great too, but my question is then, does that help you and others MORE, or LESS?
What if you got to read that your favorite athlete or mentor had a shit day/week/month and shared what that was like, and what they felt. Wouldn’t that feel like something you could identify more with, rather than positive quotes and only hearing about the good times?
With everybody’s daily highlights so close and available, it’s also really easy to get caught up in comparison. With or without meaning to. “Oh wow this person managed to do this, this and this. Every fucking day. When does this person sleep?? “. For some people that might be realistic, but usually not without a downside.
THIS is also why I want to share.
“Oh Isa, things are going so well for you. You’re so productive and have this amazing business”. I totally do, but it comes with a price tag, and the cost for doing what I have done, without any prior experience has a pretty steep price tag. If I had worked in the gym business before, it would probably be easier, and a lot less darkness to cope with.
But again, won’t lie. I do easily fall into the rabbit hole of self doubt, insecurities and hopelessness. So this preset along with the steep price tag probably isn’t the most ideal combination. But again, who said it was going to be easy?
I will gladly pay the price.